Solitary

Not a lot of people would appreciate being alone. Walking around the campus, or the malls or anywhere in general, alone. But I do. I enjoy it a lot.
Some of my friends would call me an emo and loner. But I’m not. I’m not an emo. I don’t cut my wrists or listen to screamo music or anything that an emo does (except for the times I’m frustrated or really angry. Haha) I even go watch movies alone. And I was told I’m weird. Well…

When I transferred to this new university, I spend my vacant hours alone. Of course. I go to the mall, roam around, read a book at the foodchain where I eat my lunch. Or I stay at this short corridor in the of a building where it’s not reached by the sunlight and it’s heat. I love it there. The wind is cool and the place is quiet. I like the quiet.

I didn’t make friends right away because I didn’t need one. I have my closest friends already and I believe that they are enough. I interact with my classmates of course, whenever it’s needed. And some of them I got to know deeper just by being their seatmate. I don’t know why but people tend to open up whenever they talk to me. I don’t even ask them about theor stuff. I really don’t like getting personal with a new person. Who does anyway? But they tell me things.

I’m not sure if those people noticed it but I don’t share the same thing they shared to me. I maintain a shallow relationship with them. I want us to remain aquaintances. But as I stay longer in this university, more people grew familiar with me. We greet each other everytime we cross paths but most of it are awkward. But it doesn’t matter anyway.

There’s this person that I know before because we were classmates in one subject. We never got close, nor became friends. We became classmates again. This time, this person wants us to be together almost all the time. This person wants us to have lunch together, do things together, and wants me to wait for her. Do things for her. And I really dislike compromising. I like doing my own stuff but with her with me, I don’t get to do my stuff anymore because she’s the one who’s got to have her way.

At first, I was okay with all of it. But as days go by and I think she’s getting worse with her being bossy, I’ve turn very robotic. Like, whenever we have conversations, I reply in a robotic way. No emotions attached to it. No actual care in it. I don’t know if it makes any sense but I feel that way. It’s like I’d rather feel no emotion at all than feeling mad at her. I feel like I’ve been utterly compromised.

I don’t even have the time to read my book anymore. I don’t have my time alone. I can’t stay in my favorite corridor anymore. I’m not a good talker so there are a lot of awkward silence and then she’d ask me to think of a topic so that we won’t be bored. Well, sorry miss I’m a boring companion, I’m not the type to be initiating conversations. I just answer and react. And I really feel uncomfortable whenever I’m with someone and we’re not talking.it feels awkward. I mean, it’s fine being silent together as long as there’s no awkwardness and pressure.

I’m a very patient person. I don’t judge right away. I go beyond the negative things a person possesses. I hope I would have more patience with this person and that I don’t snap at her. I’m chill. Most of the time i’m chill and I don’t want negativity in me.

I’m not anti-social. But being with a lot of people and interacting with them exhausts me. I don’t know why. Well, I’m an introvert, maybe that is why.

Xx

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One thought on “Solitary

  1. You’re an introvert. Most of the world is an extrovert. No biggie, but it’s harder for people to understand the idea of being alone and enjoying it. I’m the same way. People misjudge me because I actually prefer to be alone most of the time. 😛

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