Just Keep Swimming

It has been three years since I started to fully know this ‘Darkness’ I’m struggling with. Nobody knows it but me. I’ve been aquainted with him a few times earlier in my life but I haven’t really thought through about it.

Until this event happened three years ago which resulted a fall back to the arms of Darkness. I told no one. Because if I tell someone, he or she might not understand or he or she might only take it lightly. Which will not help in my situation tha time. So I kept it to myself. It was hard. It was really hard.

As time went by, I thought that I was slowly recovering. I though I was okay. I thought that I’m over everything. But now, I realized that I never recovered. I just learned how to swim to the surface and just float along. But I’m still in this Darkness. I don’t know until when but I think I’ll be here for a long time.

Right now, it’s slowly drowning me again. And I’m a little scared because it’s never certain what will happen once I’m down there.

Someone pull me up and save me.

xx, K

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3 thoughts on “Just Keep Swimming

  1. Oh … I don’t know where you are in the world, but I wish I could just reach out and give you a hug.
    I know you’re aware of this on an intellectual level, but perhaps reading it again will remind you: other people are walking the path of Darkness with you.
    I won’t say “I’m sure there’s someone you can talk to”, because I don’t know your situation, and that would just be patronising. I won’t say “Things will look better tomorrow”, “You’ll be OK”, or “Just go take a warm shower” – more useless things people sometimes say.
    However, I will say what I know to be true: the stats prove that the longer you hang on, the longer you stay alive (i.e. don’t suicide), your depression will definitely lessen. I don’t have a timeline on that, it’s different for everyone, but the statistics overwhelmingly demonstrate that fact.
    May tomorrow be a better day.
    XX

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