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To a friend that may never read this:

I have been friends with you for almost half my life and, honestly, I want for it to last a lifetime. We’ve been through a lot. We had a lot of petty fights, alliances against other friends, our share of naughtiness and a lot more. I can truly say that we are really best friends.

But I can’t just ignore the changes I’ve noticed whenever we see each other. It’s like you’re a different person every single time. You show me a side of yourself that I’ve never though I’d see in you. At first I thought that it’s normal because we’re adults now and somehow starting to find ourselves. And then I thought that maybe you jist adapted some ways from your college friends. I was trying hard to understand you and accept you for who you’re becoming, even when we were younger.
It’s okay to change, my friend. It’s the only constant thing in this world anyway. But, my friend, change for the better not for the worse. Sadly, the changes I see gets worse and worse. I’m not saying that I’m perfect, that I’m better than you because I’m not. But I try to be good. At least I try to be. For you right now, it’s like the bad is the new good. The good actions and words I try to do in my life it’s like you’re making me see them as a bad thing. That’s why I’m not comfortable in sharing that part of my life to you because I feel like you’d laugh at me or mock me.

I know that you are strightforward and don’t sugarcoat things much but there’s a difference between being straighforward in a constructive, respectful way and being tackless, self-centered bitch. Lately, you’re being the latter. (I’m not calling you a bitch. It’s a verb. You know, what bitches do)

I don’t know what to say to you anymore because you’re old enough to be responsible with your actions. I still love you because you are my friend but I don’t like what you’re becoming.

Find your way back, my friend. Find your way back. And if there will come a time you’ll realize everything, I’ll be here to help you. You are not like this. You are a good person. I believe you are.

And now, it’s your turn to believe it too.

xx K

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Dream Entry

It started with me walking home. A neighbor asked me when we’ll be going to the cemetery because she wanted to go with us. She wanted a free ride. I think it was All Soul’s Day.

Then at the house, I was with my work mates. It was our old house We were having dinner, I think. We were celebrating something. And then a part of the house was our office. Our manager called us.

He said not to eat that one dish because it’s spoiled. So we all agreed. And then when they were all gone, I tried to taste that food but it wasn’t spoiled. It was far from spoiled. It was delicious. The manager caught me so I told him that I didn’t think the food was spoiled.

He told me that I shouldnt tell anyone. It was kind of a threat. So I got a little scared. I didn’t understand why he would make it a big deal about me telling the others about the food

When I got back to the kitchen where my work mates were, I told them what happened. Because I was scared. And I made them promise not to tell.

It was a blur what happened next.
I just remember this next scene which was far from the first one.

We were entering the mansion of a family where we will live from that day on. I didn’t know why. I think my mum married the man who owned the mansion.
In real life my mum and dad are still together. So I don’t understand why she would marry another man in my dream. Well it’s a dream. So…

It had an enormous front lawn with short green grasses and a huge tree at the far left. It was a colorful day. I only dream in colors so rarely.
The man had a son, about my age, I forgot his face, and a daughter and a youngest son. Or was that a cousin, I forgot. The mansion was so beautiful. There were a lot of people but I didn’t remember their faces. I wasn’t looking at them.

I remember roaming around. In my dream it seemed that our families were close. So I took the freedom of checking the rooms. Looking for empty rooms where I’ll be staying.
But the funny thing is that I found myself looking for the eldest son’s room. In my dream we were sort of friends too. And we got along.

I checked each room and checked the things in the room if I’d find any sign of him owining the room.

The first room I opened, I was sure it was the youngest son’s room because it said at the door “Welcome awesome Wizard of Hogwarts”

I moved on until I found this toilet. When I opened it, at the other side of the toilet was a blue door with a smokey square glass on the top part. It must be someone’s room because I saw figures. And I heard noises. Someone was playing the guitar and the others were laughing. So I closed it and moved on to the next. I didn’t think it was his room because I thought he was still downstairs with the other family members.

I remember thinking that it was a strange room because it was a room within a toilet.

Having no idea which room was his, I asked the help. She pointed me the toilet where I just opened a while ago.
So I went back and decided to open the blue door. I was startled. Like my eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. He was there. And looked like all of his friends were too.

“Sorry.” I said as I recoiled to close the door.

But he stopped me and let me in.
So I went in. I smiled awkwardly to his friends and found an empty corner where I decided to stay. Another funny thing is that I lay down on the corner of his closet and coiled under the clothes. I didn’t know why.

Then he went to me and told me it was one of his favorite places too. I smiled and sat up.
I didn’t know why but his friends started to leave. I checked out his room.
I liked that it was isolated. It was so hidden and secured. On the corner of his room there was an opening. Just a small opening at the bottom of the wall runs from end to end where I could see a hallway in the mansion and people passing by.

He started to talk to me. I stood and saw that there was only a friend left.
I think that we were really close because I immediately fell on my back lying on his bed and closed my eyes. I felt him lying above my head.

I heard the last friend left. It was just the two of us.

We were talking but I forgot what we were talking about.
My feet were dangling on the bottom of his bed and my arms were spread to my sides.

And then he put a black cloth on my face. Then he said:

“So that the world will not see you when you don’t want to.”

I didn’t know why but I nodded and almost cried. But I didn’t. I felt an emotion. Sadness. Emptiness. It was bizarre. It seemed like we understood each other beyond explanations. We understood each other’s souls like we’ve known each other for an eternity. He understood me without me uttering the words which I most of the time fail to use in expressing myself.

I felt his hand on mine and we were just like that for a moment. I liked it. It didn’t feel malicious. It was an innocent, friendly physical contact. And it felt that holding each other’s hand was enough.

Then a while later, we heard my mom calling for us. I told him to ignore but he said we should go. So we did. Mum said that lunch was ready.

Mum was suspicious. I felt it. So I told her that the guy’s room was great. I tried to be over cheerful and all. He had this and he had that in his room and I pretended that I forgot the guy’s name so I asked him.

And it came out that I did really forgot his name. I thought his name was Trey but it was not. I don’t know where the Trey came from. Now I forgot the name that he said when he corrected me.

The next part was blurry. We went to the mall to shop. I was with him, his sister, and mum.

We had this secret. A quiet one. I could feel it in the way we looked at each other. A secret that we don’t think we needed to share to others but ourselves. It was a nice feeling having someone understands you so deeply even just in a dream.

And that’s all I could remember because I was woke up with a loud knock on my door.

xx K