And now I let go of these feelings. It will be damn hard. But I will try. And I will succeed. I’ve done this before. It’s the only thing I’ve been doing when in comes to my own lovelife. Getting over someone I never eve dated.
But I bet it’s way less harder than those legit relationships. I never had that before. Maybe that’s why I protect myself. Maybe that’s why I instinctively push them away and not give them a chance. I recoil whenever I see a potential of it growing into something more. I stay away. I don’t trust at all.
Because when I was younger and naïve, I believed that if you are loyal to people , they would be too. So I trusted. I got disappointed. I got betrayed. I got hurt. I as expecting too much from people.
So now I know. Never let them in. Control. Only let them see what I want them to see.
But there are others, my closest friends could see beyond what I let them. And I’m scared. It’s scary to know that someone could read you. That someone knows that you grin all the time when you’re with the person you like.
It’s scary because I become vulnerable. And being vulerable means I have the possibility of being hurt or being betrayed again. Sometimes, I just force myelf and make myself believe that O trust them so that I on’t worrying all the time with them tellings my secrets and all and make fun of me.
So now, I’ve decided that I won’t care. That I won’t give a f*ck anymore. I’ve suffered enough mentally by over thinking. I’m just tired. Tired.