Things People do for Love

“If you love me….” The guy would say to the girl. Of course, the girl would feel the pressure. She would think that the only way she could prove that she loves him so much is to make love with him. So she permits it. She does it with him. And then, did that guarantee that you would be together forever? How can you be sure that he really loves you? Is sex the measurement of love? How does sex proves the amount of love you have for your partner?

These questions are often in my mind whenever I hear or see people do things that aren’t rational and outside the scope of good morals and logic, in the name of Love. Why? I ask to myself with dibelief. Why are they able to do that? I mean, I don’t judge those people who chooses to have sex prior to marriage. Okay that’s your thing, I won’t mind. But what about those people who are somehow forced to do that because someone wants them to prove how much they love them?

Don’t you see how unfair that is? Can’t I show my love for my special someone without making love with him? Without doing a lot of physical stuff with him? Without lust, in general?
For me, I would really consider it True Love if a man is able to resist his urges and abstain because of the reason I’m not willing to do those stuff with him. For me, it’s true love if he respects my decisions and doesn’t force me into having sex with him just to prove how much I love him.

Call me old school. Traditional. Lame or kill joy. I don’t care. I want my man that way. I want our relationship to be deeper than the physical relationship some couples have. I want us to be bound emotionally, menatally and spiritually. To be able to talk without getting bored with each other. To be in silence together without feeling awkward. To be best friends that we would do crazy things and to do YOLO things together. To be able to care and encourage and love each other. To complement each other and not overlap. Physically, will come when I get married to him. When we’re ready to have a family. When we do it because we are one in purpose to bring a new life in this world.

This may be too idealistic to be true and to actually happen to me. But I’m waiting. I’ll be waiting. Because I know, and I believe he will come. And when I find him, when he finds me…we’ll know right away that we have just found each other.

Xx

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A Boat

I won’t admit it. I’ll never. But the years passed by so quickly and I still find myself thinking about you like I shouldn’t be. I was over you. So over you. But you visit my mind ocassionally. Feelings rekindle whenever you talk to me and talk about random madness that I don’t really remember much because It’s either I’m really nervous or just simply drunk.

You confuse me sometimes. I’m utterly convinced that we’re just nothing but friends and that’s instilled in my mind already even if my feelings do fluctuate. I know that we’ll be nothing more. But sometimes, you do things that messes all that up. You make me think that there could be something. You do that, even if you don’t intend to do it. I admit that I liked it when we lay on the floor. With your head on my lower leg. I wanted to brush my fingers through your hair but I didn’t because you might think of something. Those were some of the little things.

But then, I remind myself that all of those are nothing. They don’t have any meaning, no meaning at all. I can’t help wondering sometimes…what if. Then, I remind myself again that it’s impossible. You know, I still miss you. Even though I forget about you. It doesn’t make sense. But what does, when it comes to emotions.

I never got over you, I realized. The feelings still do exist. It’s one of the few constant things in my life, actually. I never stopped caring. Even if I don’t show it. Even if I act like I don’t. Even if I ignore you sometimes and pretend that you don’t exist.
I just let go of my fantasy that we could have something more special than friends have. That we could be together. I let go of that fantasy now. And it will stay forgotten. Because when one’s fantasies are gone, reality hits you like a ten-wheeler truck hits you. And it’s easier to recover that way.

Xx